Little life update
Don't we love to be a Software Engineer
The commitment is - I’m not heading to the office until I finish this post. Nothing motivates a person more than the possibility of being late to another day of being a cog in the capitalistic machine.
Upd: it actually worked, I put all my ideas on scrap paper. Sadly, this doesn’t work for editing.
A week ago, I started my internship at a well-known digital bank. The experience is quite peculiar, and I will report back once I get more insights, but I wanted to document the first impression while it is still fresh.
1. I like the people - everyone is open and has a great sense of humor. Starting from my intern cohort and ending with my two managers.
2. 500 people and 10k people in a company seemed quite similar to me. This is by far not the case in practice. I thought last summer I had my first corporate experience, but now I realize that was just a big-ish startup.
3. The first few days, I indeed felt like a cog - perfectly sterile office, finance bros in their pin-stiped shirts. It got better once I made some friends.
4. It was scary to realize I don’t have interesting thoughts in the office - no philosophical dilemmas, no book twists circling, no desires outside of codex producing less slop than usual. My brain adjusted now, so I can access the creative part of my brain more easily. And yet, when I’m deeply focused, all the threads contribute to the same goal. Truly made me ponder along the lines of “what if I was dedicated to something I actually care about”
5. I do not have time for Instagram anymore, and life seems so dynamic that I don’t even have the slightest desire to open the app. Except maybe in the cases where I need some inspiration and a reminder that there are bigger things in life than corporate. And even this, in most cases, can be gotten from my friends or some readings instead.
6. It’s a weird soul-tingling experience of working for so many hours on a thing you don’t really care about, while knowing that the things you do care about, you inconsistently dedicate a few hours here and there. Maybe it’s a wake-up call.
7. It’s my first time having a decent half of my employees speak my native language. It almost feels like I’m ticking a box I thought I never would have the opportunity to tick after moving away from my hometown.
7.5 The other half is a very international diverse group of individuals, so it’s basically the best of both worlds.
8. I’m really enjoying my time here so far. “Work hard from 9 to 6, play hard from 6 to 11”. I went on at least one social activity every day for the past 10 days, and it’s been making me infinitely happier, especially compared to university time. Spontaneous walks, pre-planned dinners, doing sport, observing sport, picnics, sleepovers. So many good things1.
9. And yet, I understand that 21 is not the age to accept comfort. I will enjoy my life in London completely and wholeheartedly as long as it lasts, but I already feel the need for a bigger challenge, a path untrodden.
10. I do like that my company and managers always have things to do for me -- there is always another bug to fix, another feature to implement. If you do something, do it to the best of your abilities — I like that I don’t get much downtime.
11. A little bit terrified by how appealing this comfortable corporate life is. If I drown out one or two voices in my mind, I could almost lull myself into this for many years. So many older people say life passed them by and they wish they had taken more risks. I can see how they end up in those situations.
By the time I click publish, two weeks of my internship will have passed, but most of the sentiments are the same. I’m struggling a bit with the intellectual stimulation not exactly bringing satisfaction, but overall, life is still good.
I don’t want to draw a morale. a) it’s not necessarily needed b) a friend once said, “I am capable of making my own conclusions, just give me the data,” and I haven’t seen the world quite the same since.
E.g. I met Henrik Karlsson!